THE PURE UNADULTERATED TRUTH OF THE PURE UNADULTERATED SELF
This quote makes an awful lot of sense of my life and the lessons I have learned the hard way. I like Kafka, he is a kindred spirit; but this quote is not by Kafka. I like to trace things to source, I like precision and accuracy. It doesn't diminish the quote. It doesn't matter who said it, it resonates with my experience. I identify with Kafka, so would have liked him to have been the author of this quote. The author is horror writer Anne Rice, famous for writing on vampires and witches, which is good enough company, I suppose. Apart from the vampires. The words originate in a foreword to a collection of Kafka's short stories written by Rice:
"Kafka became a model for me, a continuing inspiration. Not only did he exhibit an irrepressible originality—who else would think of things like this!—he seemed to say that only in one’s most personal language can the crucial tales of a writer be told. Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly. Only if you do that can you hope to make the reader feel a particle of what you, the writer, have known and feel compelled to share."
Absolutely! I feel an affinity with Kierkegaard and Nietzsche for the same reason, even when disagreeing vehemently with them. It is the search for authenticity and autonomy that particularly appeals to me as an autistic person, that determination to be self-determining in my own time and space. Sadly, autistic person are expected to forever bend to the expectations of 'society,' dilute themselves in order to be understood and accepted, to rationalize their needs and desires to make them fit social requirements - they are expected to edit themselves down to ordinary scale. Autistic people waste so much of their energy diminishing themselves in this way, energy that should really be used in expressing themselves fully. Rather than continually expanding outwards, unfolding their abilities, however, they soon run into boundaries and find themselves having to curtail their gifts and talents. The frustration of creativity is the source of great misery. Don't do it. Be yourself. If you may fear that you may end up alone as a result, you should know that it is better to be alone with your talents at full scale than alone with others who cut you down to being much less than you are.
Be yourself: and as soon as you feel the restrictions and restraints of others, spring the trap. The people who are worthy of your gifts will stay with you, the rest you don't need.
