I’ve had a lifetime of people telling me I’m doing things the wrong way, that there are easier ways of doing things, all the time presuming that they know better than I do. I can’t be alone in this experience. I will guess that most other autistic people will have had the same experience with others. No! They are wrong! You know that they are wrong! You know because, like me, you have found that some of the worst experiences of your life have come as a result of trying to do things “the right way,” the way that ‘normal’ others insisted you do them. And you have learned the hard way that what works for others doesn’t necessarily, or mainly, or even ever, works for you. Those ‘normal’ others are experts only on their own lives fitting in with ‘normal’ society. You are not ‘normal,’ you are you. And you are the experts on your own lives, no one else. Have the confidence to trust your own judgement and instincts, because you know far more about yourself than others do. Subordinate your own expertise to that claimed by others, and you will find that you will fall far short of others’ standards – and your own.
‘Confused and fragmented,’ my history teacher wrote at the bottom of one of my essays. ‘Why don’t you just follow the order in your notebooks, it’s so much easier.’ Everyone else who followed the order – and followed orders – succeeded, fitted in, and were rewarded, so why not? First of all, I couldn’t. I never saw the order others did, and do tried to impose an order of my own. It’s a recipe for disaster, of course, as this history essay and many more homeworks besides, testifies. But it is also the source of great creativity and originality. I sought the connections that others didn’t.
Be a first class AS person, not a second rate neurotypical. And remember that was is right for others isn’t necessarily right for you. Appropriate and adapt what may be useful and make it work for you if you can. Ignore and discard the rest. You learn by experience what works for you. My chemist smiles at me now when I go to pick my medications up. I don’t use the system that makes things easier. Every time I see her she has the professional duty to ask whether she should order the same medications for next time. She smiles knowing my response – there may well be better ways, but my way works well for me. (She also smiles because I still can’t pronounce the name of the street where I live, despite her telling me umpteen times. But she has to ask). I’ll do it my way, it got me this far. I’m still here.
