Preparation, Relief, and Recovery
This is me using the phone to make any ‘appointment’ of any kind. Even with family members I write down a list of subjects to cover in conversation. With organisations of various kinds I write down my opening line or lines, to the effect ‘hello, I’m calling about xxxx,’ with a line about the subject prepared. I use it as a security blanket, really. If I know the list is there, the conversation can flow as it ought, with me occasionally checking I haven’t missed anything. If there is no ‘blanket’ available to me, the fear of going blank is enough to cause me to blank out.
I take a long time to psyche myself up into making a phone. Ido a lot of preparation in the mind as well as on paper. If possible, I will take a day or more to ‘sleep on it,’ steeling myself up for the big day. And then there is the relief followed by the recovery period. I congratulate myself for mission accomplished and even treat myself.
As a rule I avoid making and receiving phone calls. My landline is far out of earshot and has no recorded message service. So I miss calls. I finally availed myself of a mobile phone this past year or so. But I only switch it on if I am expecting a phone call.
I prefer to email people and be emailed. I must also be oneof the few people left who still writes actual letters with stamps on. I prefer to approach the world in my writing voice, and I would prefer that people write to me rather than push and prod buttons in expectation of instant, immediate contact. I protect myself against such availability and accessibility. Lacking brakes, borders,filters, and editors I have to impose checks and constraints to mediate contacts with others, lest I be overwhelmed by the demands of ordinary exchange.
