I’ve been in situations when, struggling badly, falling behind, and falling to the wayside, I have need the assistance and cooperation of others. I have received ‘advice’ in the form of instruction and abuse, demanding that I simply do things the way others do. And why not, since it worked for most other people? It never occurred to would-be ‘advisors’ that since certain ways clearly didn’t work for all people then they may well be inappropriate. As ever, it is people in need who are at fault and deemed to be the problem. It saves having to identify the problem itself and having to do something to deal with.
Time and again in seeking the assistance of others over the years I have received the message that the world is not for changing. Those ‘others’ want to know if you have something to offer them. At best, they will help if they receive something in return. It’s an old lesson but true, people won’t do ‘owt for nowt.’
I had expected a little change on the part of ‘society’ in light of the diagnosis of ASC in September 2021. I have found none. I have approached employers and employment agencies and other organisations purporting to help those with certain health and disability issues. The insistence on ‘reasonable adjustments’ at the back of the ASC Report are not worth the paper they are written on. I had, with justifiable optimism, thought that the report and its recommendations would finally offer a path out of a lifetime’s impasse dealing with a condition no-one knew about, including myself. Instead, all I have found is the same old ‘advice’ with respect to writing CVs, interview techniques, and making yourself attractive to employers I have been given in the past.
This puts all the onus upon the person seeking help to adapt and fit themselves, to continue to distort and bend their personalities, suppress their needs, and accommodate themselves as best they can. Some can just about manage it, many can’t. Hence the appeal for help. That help comes only in the form of advice that demands that you, the person in need, make all the changes. Back to masking and mirroring in the buried life.
My advice is firm and forthright – do not be accommodated.
It is right and just to demand changes on the part of others and the world.
